July 27, 2011 § 2 Comments
I wrote this a couple months ago. The psychological battle has resumed as I continue to seek employment. Please consider this a love letter to all you who seek but have not found that “ridge where the west commences.”
Don’t fence me in (a cowboy song)
In my younger years I remember my parents listening, and enjoying the Mitch Miller Band. One of the songs they sang was the cowboy song Don’t Fence Me In. Cole Porter wrote it originally for Roy Rogers in the movie of the same name. I can still hear it.
I want to ride to the ridge where the west commences.
Gaze at the moon till I lose my senses.
I can’t look at hobbles and I can’t stand fences.
Don’t fence me in.
Last September I lost my job due to a restructuring brought on by the sad state of the economy. I loved what I was doing and grieved for the loss. I have looked and applied, gotten close but have not landed anything yet. I am fortunate that financially we are making ends meet. We have cut back, but I can’t complain….too much. Let’s just say my adjustment to my situation is a process. Here I should insert a link to a video of a mime doing serious battle with something unseen.
A couple days ago I noticed a headline at a career site “If you are over 40 you are irrelevant”. Obviously if I or you recognize the Mitch Miller Band and the song above you are well above 40! And that hurts. Nine months of job search brings on that feeling without having to be told in a headline. I did not read the article. It’s probably advice on yet another way to rewrite my resume. I have as many versions of that as there are stars in the sky. And reluctantly, I will rewrite it again to get it thru search bots and 24 year old human resource employees sticking in just the correct phrases to try to get noticed. And as to what I will consider, I am flexible as Gumby!
You see I am over 40 but I don’t feel irrelevant. It hurts to be told that. I don’t feel irrelevant. I feel angry, and frustrated, that the gifts and talents I have are not enough to find employment in my chosen field or even at a big, big, big insurance company that will remain nameless due to the confidentiality agreement I signed upon application.
I’m keeping active. I’m using my skills in volunteer opportunities, and enjoying that too. I’m reading a lot. I believe that something will come along….. I have faith and I have hope.
Being a believer, I have to trust that my Creator did not make me to become irrelevant, just when I have gained much wisdom, and become seasoned, (there is a mouthful that screams OLD!)
In Christian Doctrine Shirley Guthrie wrote “The Spirit is free to work when, where and how the Spirit chooses.” I am trusting that the Spirit is working in me, revealing new truth, preparing me for new life and showing me the way to a new community. The Spirit is doing this however the Spirit chooses, and when my path is revealed, I will be ready to go. I’m not going to let myself get fenced in. And the Spirit…Don’t fence it in!
26 But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. 27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Peace, hope and courage,
July 16, 2011 § 2 Comments
I said that. I meant it. I love to dance. I will dance in the morning. I will dance with Jim when he is willing. I will dance with Ebony (our lab mix) even though she looks at me strangely. I’ll dance alone to the radio. But I’m not sure I have ever tasted a mojito.
I stopped by Connie’s house to drop off some cuttings of mint that grow wild in my yard. I think that wherever mint gets a foot hold it grows and grows. I can’t claim any responsibility for its cultivation, it’s just a gift. Connie wants it for mojitos or mint juleps or whatever. I want Connie to have it because she is a friend.
The big scary dog inside her house let her know I had arrived. The big scary dog is not really scary, but very loud and excited to have company. We took the dog for a walk. Then dropped her back home and went to Siren Hall for an adult beverage.
Siren Hall is a cool restaurant in Elk Rapids. It has these great black leather banquettes and lots of polished concrete. It has a really big, graphic sign inside that lists all the varieties of oysters that they offer throughout the year. I think this is very cool except that I can’t bring myself to try raw oysters. I know it is a shortcoming that more worldly people have overcome, but, nah.
Anyway, Karen walks in with her siblings who are in town for a visit. It is fun to see her. It has been a long time. She and Connie think they might be related but haven’t made the final connection yet. I think they should get the DNA test that confirms it. Or maybe not. It is awfully fun just guessing about it. I am happy for them.
Then we talk about our parents. We talk about the older gentleman at the bar who is someone famous and well connected and 93. We check him out on our smart phones. And who would believe that he lives in Elk Rapids? Karen asks about Jim who can’t be up here because he is working and has other commitments.
Then we talk about the mint. And we talk about the mojitos and then I say “Let’s get together and have mojitos and dance.”
And they say “yeah”.
I don’t know if we will, but the look in their eyes said yeah, and that is good enough for me.
Proverbs 16: 24 Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
July 9, 2011 § 2 Comments
Its Saturday, I can hear the lawn mowers outside. It is not early. Early was when the sun rose some time before 6 AM and the light came through my east facing window. I rolled over to sleep another couple hours. Up here near the 45th parallel the days are extremely long this time of year. Good thing for every thing that needs to grow.
The little town that helped us raise our children and bury my parents has changed a bit and then not so much. I feel that instant connection with so many, so many hugs and smiles, that I feel like it is still home.
It is a good place to be right now. I have some tasks to finish before I leave for my home in Tampa. I am getting our little house here ready to rent for the next few years. I am painting the outside, and yes, I am painting it not a hiring painter. I am climbing ladders, taking down shutters, sanding and patching. Luckily it is a one story ranch; my biggest challenge will be the fascia on the gable ends. For all you who are not my daughter Nicole, who was never going to go into construction but is in construction related work anyway, fascia is the trim all along the very edge of the roof. I hope our new tenant will be happy here.
My butt muscles are sore as well as the muscles on my sides. They are not too sore just letting me know that I should use them all more often.
This is a spiritual retreat as well because I have chosen to make it so. It is time to be alone in ways that I am not when I am home amidst my daily life which includes Jim my husband, Danny my adult son, Ilona our 19 year old Ukrainian “daughter” who has been with us for a year, and the princess, our rescue mixed lab Ebony who has made the transition from wild pack dog who fends for herself by opening the bread drawer to eat whole loaves of bread to suburban inside dog who lies on the leather sofa and won’t go out when it rains because she does not want to get wet.
I have a reading plan. This blog is also part of the plan. I miss writing, but not just the writing part, I miss communicating to a greater audience. So here it is. Put out for the world so that we may connect because I want that. Nicole is my inspiration; she has her own blog and showed me how to set this up. Thank you Nicole and if you readers don’t like my blog maybe she can share the blame for being an enabler.
Hello world, I wish you peace, love and hope on this not so early Saturday morning from somewhere near the 45th parallel.